Have you ever seen a singles ad: Seeking ongoing FWB with NSA

We have all heard the terms “FWB or Friends with Benefits” and “NSA or No Strings Attached” but are either of these really possible?

Starting with Benefits. We are not talking about medical coverage we are talking about sex. An act where a man penetrates a woman’s body. Yes this can be fun but it is not as impersonal as picking up a prescription. There will almost always be a sense of  intimacy involved – how could there not be when a piece of the man is entering the body of the female?

It is possible to have sex with no emotional involvement. However as a woman, a creature made of emotion, if we have turned our selves off in order to have sex we have a whole lot of extra work needing to be done to receive sexual pleasure. Our minds will need to be engaged and our hearts shut off….it is more like a physical abuse then an enjoyable act.

That does not mean out sexual bodies will not react – A woman (and a man) can reach orgasm without being engage in their sexual bodies – it is how we are built. The friction of the head of a man’s penis rubbing along  the woman’s vaginal  walls touching thousands of nerve endings is going to cause a reaction. It is simple biology.

If an man really wants to please a woman however there is a “formula” he should be following; HHG or:

Head

Heart

Genitals

If a woman’s Head is in the sex then it will be near impossible to have her reach pleasure through penetration. Woman’s heads are always full with our “To Do” list, what we need to make for dinner, did the garbage get taken out, did the iron get shut off, what time do I need to do… ? When trying to engage in sexual pleasure it becomes difficult to reach sexual orgasm simply because there is nothing sexy about taking out the smelly garbage…changing the babies diapers etc.  So first get her OUT of her head and into the bedroom with you.

I have stated in previous blogs that a woman’s deepest longing is Love. Love is all about the heart. A woman does not NEED to love you to have sex with you however she does NEED to FEEL the flow of love in the interaction. If a woman;s heart is turned off, often so are her genitals because she is back in her head thinking about what needs to be done again. How sexy is that for either partner? NOT! If you really want the woman to feel sexual, connect with her heart – have a conversation, hold her without going straight for the sexy goods, compliment her in a sincere way and watch how she unfolds as her heart opens fuller to you and to the sexual situation.

Once a woman is out of her head, opens her heart it is a direct opening to her genitals and the sex is going to be pleasurable for both you and her.

That takes care of the “B” or Benefits but what about the “F” or Friends part. Take a moment to think about your friends…Do you only call them when you want something or do you call just to say Hi? Do you go out and do different activities with them or do you only ever do the same activities? Do you share personal information and emotions with the or are you closed off? I am guessing that if you are thinking about your real friends, the ones that you share your life with not just a common interest then in each of the above questions  you identified with the first part more than the second. That is what friends do – they SHARE their lives.

In order to have a true FWB situation you have to be actual FRIENDS and open your lives to one another outside the bedroom. Otherwise the relationship is Benefits only….Might not sound bad to some guys but go back the HEAD and close the HEART, then tell me how much Benefit you are getting…

FWB that is all about sexual pleasure is easier for men. Not because they are cold or heartless but because men are “built” differently. For a woman who needs love, the man’s heart is the goal. She will need to follow a different “formula” if she want to reach his heart; GHH or:

Genitals

Head

Heart

WHAT????? That is totally screwed up. Well then, it is no wonder men and woman have a hard time relating in Friends with Benefit situation?

In order for a man to open his heart to a woman he needs sexual release – it is primal. We are Beings needing to reproduce. In the Ice Age/Cave Man days where we were faced with  many deadly threats and therefor shorter life spans we had to reproduce quickly as to not die out. Reproduction was about necessity in order to keep the Human race on this planet. Sex was not about heart open connection. If both people needed heart open connection in order to have sex and reproduce, it is likely you and I would not be here today.

Once a man has his sexual release he is more easily able to converse without the chatter in his head about how she will looks naked, if it would feel good to be in her body, will he get to find out…etc, because he already knows. So now he can talk about likes, dislike and the day – the very things woman need in order to feel heart connection. Once the man has his sexual release, mental release he is ready to open his heart and truly share with the woman he is with.

NONE OF THIS WILL HAPPEN ON A DEEP LEVEL UNLESS THEY ARE FRIENDS!!!!!!!! If two people are not friends then that leads to  “NSA or No Strings (emotions/commitment) Attached”

To have sex without emotion is like rape to the feminine mind – so in order for sex without emotion to occur without harming the feminine psyche, the feminine energy MUST be removed meaning two MASCULINE energies are now having sex. Now I am not talking about sexes of the bodies, I am talking about energy – like magnets each have a negative and positive – when sitting side by side in a drawer too long the magnets depolarize and are no longer attracted to each other. So if you think about two people running their masculine energy in a sexual relationship how long will it be sexy or fun? How long before they depolarize one another completely?

Commitment is not always about forever, it can be about making a plan with intention to follow through. If you have intention then there is an attachment to completion. This is Human nature.

If two people want to have NSA sex then it has to be about sex only and will likely be a one time event. The moment there is an agreement to meet for sex there is a String. The moment there is a String attached you are no longer engaging in NSA. It is possible to have a FWB relationship but it takes time and commitment. It is possible to have a NSA, one time relationship agreement but not with a friend.

It is not possible to have an ongoing FWB with NSA relationship. If you are truly friends then there are strings attached – there is emotion and there is commitment.